How it's Been Going

Random thoughts from the past couple of weeks:

Day 1: I wish I could say this day has been exciting - we're finally starting IVF! Unfortunately, it's mostly been stressful.  You can read about that in this post. BUT, I am happy that in the end, everything seems to be working out and we are hopefully on our way to meeting our baby!

Day 2: The first round of shots last night was no fun.  I still feel pretty weird about putting all these fake hormones into my body.  I've refrained from reading the inserts on the medications (something I usually do) because we have already spent thousands of dollars on this process and I'm not about to back out now.  Reading about all the junk in these shots and the side effects I could have is only going to cause even more anxiety at this point. 

Still, I feel pretty gross about this part of IVF.  I wish there was another way.

Day 3: Last night wasn't any easier.  The second shot really burns as it goes in and both times I've felt like passing out halfway through the injection.  Tonight we're going to try icing the injection area with a frozen spoon and doing the shot while I'm laying down on the bed.  Maybe that will help.

I'm feeling a little self-conscious about how much these are hurting me.  I get my blood drawn ALL the time and handle that fine.  I've had shots before and have hardly flinched.  Is it just all in my head?

Doad said he thought I was thinking about it too much and working myself up.  He told me I should stop focusing on the shot while it's happening and try and think of something else that makes me happy.  I know he's trying to be helpful, but I'm feeling super sensitive about it.  I feel like he thinks I'm not doing a good job or that he could do it better.  I wish I were tougher.  I'm not trying to act like a baby, but I feel like that's what it looks like.

Day 4: This morning was appointment #2.  Blood work and ultrasound every day.  Mom came with me this time because Doad had a work meeting he couldn't miss.  We had a nice brunch date afterward which we don't get to do often.  Aha! So there are perks to IVF ;)

Getting my shots on the bed instead of standing up isn't any less painful, but I did feel less like passing out so I think its working better for us.  

I'm feeling quite large and sore in the midsection.  The nurse said that was normal - I have 50 follicles growing compared to the usual one each month.  I've also had headaches and fatigue each day.  I'm not too concerned as these are all "normal" side effects and apart from them slowing me down a little don't really mind them too much - it means things are working like they should.  :)

This afternoon I'm getting my hair done and tonight I have dinner with some girlfriends.  Hopefully, I'll be having my last glass of wine for a long time. ;) 

My first injections

You know you're going to get the inside scoop with me.  I'm vulnerable and transparent to the point of oversharing at times.  Today might be one of those days... ;)

Doad and I have been documenting our IVF journey for our someday baby so we can show him or her how wanted they were and how hard we fought to bring them into our family.  This video may or may not make it into the "documentary"... we don't want to scar the child after all.  But I thought it might be interesting for those who are following along to see the inside story of what IVF entails.

Here is day 1 & 2 of injections... I got a little better after this lol



So I think the moral of the story is that IVF is not fun, but it is totally worth it.

IVF Meds Unboxing

What it feels like when a giant box of medications show up in your natural/crunchy house... 😂😂😂

IVF Chapter One: The Beginning

And so it begins.

Last night was my first night of injections for IVF.  It has been a long road to get here and I know this is just the beginning.

pc: SassyCatBoutiqueUS

Nothing about this process has been simple or easy.  I can't tell you how many times we have thought we weren't going to be able to do IVF only to find out we could only to find out we couldn't and on and on and on.

First, it was the insurance. They don't approve IVF for couples who haven't done IUI yet.  So we needed special approval - which thankfully we got after several weeks of waiting due to our health history and circumstances.

Then it was the medications - will we be able to get them in time now that we've been approved? I called or emailed the office every day the week before my cycle started and still didn't have them by that Friday.

Then my cycle came four days early!  On Saturday! When the regular offices are closed!

Photo by Pim Chu on Unsplash

To say I was freaking out... well, that would be accurate.  After all this time, (and all the work I did to try to keep the nurses on top of things) I was really struggling with frustration that they were not ready for me yet and that not even my body was cooperating with me.

I called a really nice nurse on the weekend line and she reassured me that I could come in on Monday and have my normal nurse work things out for me.

When I came into the office Monday morning, as soon as my nurse took me and Doad back to our room she starts off by telling us that since insurance hasn't approved our meds yet we aren't likely to get them in time to start so we should probably wait until next month.  I told her that when I called on Friday the pharmacy said all they needed was for the doctor's office to call in and they would be able to approve it and send it out the same day.  She seemed very skeptical but said she'd go get the nurse who does authorizations so that she could explain it to me.

Photo by Ken Treloar on Unsplash

As soon as she left I burst into tears.  How could this happen? I called so many times to double check that there was nothing else I needed to do to be ready.  Why did they wait so long to take care of this?

Nurse T came back into the room with the other nurse and saw me crying.  They told me not to cry (that never works FYI) and had some really lame excuses about how this happened.  The main issue is that Nurse D who works with the insurance never told them when my start date got changed from March to February even though that was two weeks ago.  Nurse T and Nurse Z thought they still had a month before I needed my meds.

That's a pretty big mistake since they both found the info in my record and obviously hadn't looked thoroughly through my notes even though I had called or emailed the office every day that past week.  If they had just admitted that they messed up and tried to make it right I don't think I would be so upset about this appointment.

But that's not what happened.  Nurse T started trying to blame me for the mistake by saying if I had called to fill my prescription sooner then I would have been able to tell the office that authorization was needed sooner.  That may be true, but when I called Nurse T specifically on Monday and left her a vm asking what I needed to do next, she never called me back.  And when I emailed her again on Wednesday she told me to call them on Friday to sort out the shipping.

Also, who blames the patient while she's sitting in your office bawling and you and the office have clearly dropped the ball with her?

Somehow through all my tears, I was able to point out that I had left her a voicemail on Monday and an email on Wednesday and Friday and she hadn't said anything about calling the pharmacy until Friday.  She admitted that that was fair and said she'd go talk to the doctor and see what she could do and nurse Z said she'd send the authorization ASAP with "Urgent" at the top.  She offered me a tissue (after I'd been sitting there crying in front of both of them for at least ten minutes) and then left the room.

In the end, I got some loaner meds that I just have to replace with my stash when they get here.  So we are officially started and just waiting on my meds.

By noon yesterday, nurse Z had called to let me know the authorization went through and I could call to fill my rX.

I called the pharmacy THREE times to make sure it would ship last night and be here by today.

Wouldn't you know it, I get a call at 8:30 this morning saying that somehow my meds didn't make it out last night.

I guess shipping had an issue with the order and sent it back to the pharmacy for clarification.  It didn't make it back to shipping before the other orders went out for the night.

Not a big deal since I have enough meds to last me until tomorrow when the meds should hopefully arrive now.  It's just frustrating after everything I went through yesterday.  And after calling them THREE times to make sure nothing like this happened.

I guess it just goes to show you that even this process - though not natural AT ALL is still just as in God's hands to work out the details as natural conception.  I know that on an intellectual level, but sometimes I still feel a little like we're "cheating" by working outside of God's natural design for growing a family.

This week has shown me realistically just how much we need God in this process too.  Again, something I know on an intellectual level, but have begun to grasp on a heart level now.

So I guess I really have to be grateful for how the past couple of days has gone.  It has brought me closer to God and taught me again how to rely on him and trust him in this new circumstance.  Now, let's all pray that I can hold onto this lesson through the ups and downs of the next few weeks. ;)