IVF Meds Unboxing

What it feels like when a giant box of medications show up in your natural/crunchy house... 😂😂😂

Trigger Shot/Health Update #7

Picking up from the last post:

Thursday, October 27th: Restarted the Letrazole at double the original dose (2.5 increaded to 5). Take for five days (until Monday).

Tuesday, November 1st: One egg on right ovary  (14mm).  One egg on left ovary (13mm).  Not quite ready for ovulation (needs to be between 18-20).

Thursday, November 3rd: Right egg = 17mm. Left egg = 19!! Ready for ovulation!  Time for trigger shot and lots of lovin' over the weekend.

I felt super weird about giving myself the shot, so hubby did it for me.  I'm glad he did because he did it so gently and slowly so that it wouldn't burn.  I think it also made him feel more involved in the process which is nice for both of us.

I also wanted YOU to feel involved in this process too - our family and friends have been an amazing support to us as we walk through this journey of infertility.  We are starting a new chapter called "Fertility Treatment" and you all have fallen right in stride with us as we turn this corner.  There's only so much you can do, but I thought you'd like an insiders view on the "real story" of fertility treatment.  So... here's a silly (unedited) video of Doad giving me our first trigger shot.





And now we wait.  Two agonizingly long weeks until we can get a pregnancy test done to see if it worked and if our baby is finally on his or her way to us.  Pray with us?

Fertility Journey Update/Health Update #6

Oh man, it's been a while since I've done one of these.  I tried to keep it short-ish (it was originally 18 minutes long, yikes!)  There's a lot to cover though, so I apologize for the length.

Hopefully it all makes sense, but as always - if it doesn't, please ask!

 

In case you want the abbreviated version without watching the whole video, here's a brief timeline:

September 2015: Finished all of our testing and had no huge issues.  Decided to just keep trying naturally for a while.

February 2016: Started thinking about IVF or adoption. Got pregnant.  Miscarried.  No idea what to do next.

May/June 2016: Went back to fertility doctor for testing since it had been almost a year.  No big changes with Doad.  Jess = crazy thyroid antibody levels, PCOS diagnosis.  Learned of Ovulation Induction protocol option.

Summer 2016: Removed several foods from diet that were triggering thyroid antibody elevation.  Started Ovasitol supplement for PCOS.  Decided to try naturally until October and then do Ovulation Induction (OI) if we weren't pregnant by then.

October 2016: Not pregnant.  Started OI.  Not responding to current dosage of Letrazole (to promote egg growth).  Will most likely start again at a higher dose.


More updates to come!

Number 3

It happened again.  You were here and gone in the blink of an eye.  Two pink lines one day, and an empty womb just a week later.

I barely had time to be excited.

Your dad was excited though.  He loved you immediately and began making plans for your arrival - you were due 2 days after his birthday.  I think he loved that.

Every night that week he would pray over my belly and thank God for you.  We prayed that you would be strong and healthy.  That you were growing and in just the right spot.  Even after I began bleeding, we prayed for a miracle, we hoped against hope.

We fought so hard for you, baby.  I want you to know that.

Though I fell instantly in love with you the moment I saw even the shadow of a second line, I felt a lot of fear this time.  I prayed for God's help to be strong no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy was.  But still I felt fear.  Fear of the heartbreak, fear of yet another loss.

But fear or no fear, it hurts just as much.  It sucks just as much.  I miss you just as much.

Sometimes I feel really guilty.  Is my body just rebelling against being pregnant? How can it be so hard to get pregnant AND so hard to stay pregnant?  It's frustrating to try so hard and to get so close, but still not succeed.

The journey through grief is just as confusing and unpredictable the third time through as it was the first.  I will never get used to this.

But I won't give up either.

I know God has a plan in all of this.  Some days that's comforting, some days it makes me really angry that this could be a part of God's plan.

We miss you, baby.  We love you and can't wait to be with you again someday.

Romans 15:13 
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

How To Start Your Day with Greens | A Quick, Helpful Tip

I've only been in school for two weeks, but one thing has become clear: Almost everyone knows which foods they should be eating more of and which foods they should be avoiding.  No one needs to hear that they should be eating more vegetables - we all know.  But sometimes we all need help figuring out how to eat more vegetables.

So this morning I'm sharing one of my favorite ways to get more greens into my diet and my top tips for keeping things delicious and simple.

Smoothies are amazing because you can basically hide your greens in there and not even know you're eating/drinking them.  Don't believe me?  You're doing it wrong.

Here's what you need to know:

1. Blend the greens before adding your fruit.

Put a handful or two of greens (start with a little bit of harmless ol' spinach if you're nervous) in your blender with 1/2 cup to 1 cup of liquid depending on how thick you like your smoothies.  Blend this up before you add your other ingredients. This helps to ensure that your greens are really chopped up and there are no chunks hiding around.

This is especially important if you are using a cheap, older blender.  No one likes chunky spinach in their fruit smoothie.  Or maybe you do... in that case, ignore this tip.

2. Freeze your fruit.

If you use frozen fruit, you don't need to use as much ice, or even any ice at all.  This keeps things nice and tasty and doesn't dilute the flavor of your fruit down with all that water.

3. Can't have dairy?  Like your smoothies to be creamy? Use a frozen banana.

Bananas are magical and basically turn into ice cream when you freeze them.  (Google it.)  I love that milkshake consistency in my smoothies and bananas are what do that for you.  Healthy milkshakes Yes, please!

Another awesome thing about smoothies is that they are so customizable, you can use whatever greens and fruits you have and choose the flavors you like to make a drink you love.  But if you're like me and need a recipe to start you off, here are two super easy ones to try.

Strawberry Banana Smoothie
~1-2 handfuls of greens (if you're nervous start small and slowly increase the amount you add)
~1/2 C - 1 C liquid (adjust to desired consistency) - you can use milk, coconut milk, water... whatever floats your boat, just maybe not soda)
~1 frozen banana
~5-6 frozen strawberries
splash of vanilla extract (optional)

1. Blend greens and liquid.
2. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend again!
3. So quick and easy, right?

Almond Butter Cacao Smoothie
~1-2 handfuls of greens (Don't be afraid to change it up! Try kale or collard greens or a blend!)
~1/2 C - 1 C liquid
~1 frozen banana
~1 T cacao powder (where I buy mine)*
~1 T almond butter
~2 T coconut oil 

1. Blend greens and liquid.
2. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend again!

* Bonus tip: This is also a really great way to add in some other super foods like coconut oil and chia seeds.  Just add a tablespoon or two to the blender and you're all set. :)

Sounds yummy, right?  Go try one!  Or try both!  Once you've made a couple you can experiment with different greens and fruits.  Add an avocado for an extra creamy smoothie.  Try some ginger or citrus rind.  Go crazy! :)

I'd love to hear about the smoothies you've created.

Share your favorite recipes with me in the comments below!

*Affiliate link

Health Update #5 (Fertility Test Results)

Health Update #4

I don't have tons to update today, but I wanted to let you all know that the HSG test went pretty well.  Thanks for praying with me.  :)

Our follow-up isn't scheduled until the beginning of August, so I can't say for sure, but I feel pretty confident that there are no blockages.  Praise the Lord!  I got to watch the x-ray screen as the dye flowed and it definitely went all the way to the end of my tubes, so at the very least, there are no complete blockages.

The experience in and of itself was also not as terrible as I was anticipating.  Check-in lady was r.u.d.e. and made me want to cry (and maybe I did... a little) but the doctor and nurse actually doing the procedure were very competent and quick and soon it was all over.

I also felt no pain which seemed like a miracle to me.  Every single person I talked to told me to make sure I took some medicine for the pain and that there might be some mild cramping or bleeding.  One lady even told me that she could feel all the dye going in because it burned.  Scary!  (I'm thinking now maybe she had an allergy or sensitivity to the dye.)

On any account, the procedure was painless for me and I attribute that highly to all the prayers that my family and friends were offering up on my behalf.  Thank you!

The next step for me is to get some blood work done and then go to my follow-up in August so we can piece all the test results together and see what our options are.  Hopefully, I will have some more positive news to post soon.

Jessica Smith: Dream Chaser

I'm going to nutrition school!

This kind of happened suddenly, so I'll explain:

A while back, Doad and I decided that I would not stay on a second year as a nanny once my first year is up in September.  That time is quickly approaching so I have been giving some thought to what I will do after that.

During my sister's high school graduation, the commencement speaker (who also happens to be my brother-in-law!) shared his advice for deciding what to do after graduation.  He said that the world needs people who are passionate about what they do and told them not to just look for a job that fills a need in the world, but to look for something that brings them life.  That resonated with me and I have spent the last few weeks thinking about what brings me life.

The answers that I have come up with all have to do with health and nutrition, teaching others how to be healthier, and empowering them to make those changes in their own lives.  Enter: health coaching.

I entertained the idea of becoming a health coach about a year ago when I heard about a school called the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.  I've been receiving their emails and attending their webinars almost monthly since then, but hadn't dared to mention this to anyone else.  This blog is all about the dreams that I'm chasing in life - having a family, traveling, making a difference in the world... but felt hesitant to share my new dream of being a health coach with anyone.  What if they thought I was crazy?  What if I can't do it?  What if, what if, what if....

I finally told Doad about it and he jumped on board right away.  He helped me see how well this complements the things that I am passionate about and encouraged me to go for it.  We decided to think and pray about it.  As I did that, I felt the fear and uncertainty fading away and found passion and excitement taking it's place.  I finally admitted to myself that I really want to do this.  So I decided to go for it, I'm chasing this dream.  Last week, I officially enrolled into nutrition school to become a health coach! :)

I start in September and I'm super, super excited! :)

Health Update #3

Last week I shared a little bit about how I have been doing emotionally.  This week I'd like to share how I have been doing physically.  

PCOS - This is basically no longer an issue for me.  The clean eating that I've been doing and possibly my use of essential oils and herbs have helped my hormones to balance.  I don't currently present any symptoms of PCOS anymore! :)

MTHFR - The supplements I was taking to help my body methylate and detox properly also worked and I have been able to slowly wean off of those supplements as my body learns to methylate better on its own.  

My one concern in this area is that my folate levels might have dropped again.  The Methotrexate that I had to take for my ectopic is a folate inhibitor and I was not allowed to eat anything with folate in it while on the medicine so that it wouldn't interfere with the treatment.  

I have been eating greens every day since I got the all clear and am taking a prenatal with folate in it as well, so hopefully this does not become an issue.  I've been told that I should wait for three months before trying to get pregnant again though to be sure that I have sufficient folate to make a healthy baby.  For us, this means no trying until September.  :/  That seems really far away to me right now.

Acupuncture - This is still a regular part of my fertility support although lately it has mostly been emotional support for me.  My body feels healthy and strong for the most part and my acupuncturist agrees with me.  

The area where I am weak right now is my emotions.  Rada has played a huge role in helping me through my grief for both of my miscarriages and I owe a huge debt of gratitude to her for that.  

Testing -  We have also added a new "character" to our fertility story.  After having an ectopic pregnancy we decided that it was time to get some testing done and really dig deep into our reproductive health.  I want to make sure that we do everything we can to prevent another pregnancy loss.  We have begun to see a doctor at Shady Grove Fertility Center and had our first appointment this past week.  

We have several tests scheduled for the next month that will hopefully show us if there are any other reasons why pregnancy has been such a struggle for us.

Please pray for us that these test would come back favorably.  The main test that is causing me anxiety is called an HSG test.  They will put dye in my uterus and tubes so that they can see if there are any blockages that could cause infertility or another ectopic.  I am worried that there is scar tissue from a surgery I had in 2011 that has damaged my tubes.  It would explain why I had an ectopic pregnancy, but it would also mean that my odds of needing IVF to get pregnant are increased.  

I really don't want to do IVF.

I want to get pregnant naturally.  In my home.  With my husband.  And not in a sterile doctors office with nurses and doctors and needles and syringes and $5000 of fertility medicine and synthetic hormones.... 

If it comes to that, it comes to that.  And I will probably process that here on the blog too.  But today, I'm just saying that I really, really don't want to have to process that.  I don't want that to have to be an option.  

So I'm NOT looking forward to these tests because I am nervous about finding out more bad news and I AM looking forward to them because it means we will have a better understanding of what our options are and be that much closer to our Someday Baby.  

Oh, the conflicting emotions.  

Thank you all for reading and virtually sharing this crazy roller coaster ride with me.  I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers and words of encouragement.  I hope none of you ever have to ride this ride yourselves, but if you do, know that I will be there for you cheering you on and supporting you every second.

PS.  This is random, but I'm planning on changing my blog design soon!  Just wanted to give you all a head's up so you don't think you're lost next time you visit this space. ;)

Health Update #2

I've been struggling to write this post for a while now and finally just decided not to write it at all and to vlog about it instead.  As you can see in the video, it was still hard to get out, so I apologize for the immense awkwardness you're about to watch. 





Please keep us in your prayers, friends.  We are trusting God and waiting expectantly for His plans for us to unfold.  

PS.  I'm serious about wanting to be there for others.  If you're going through a similar situation (or not but you just need a friend, that's ok too!) and would like someone to talk to, I'm here.  Contact me through any of my social media buttons at the top right of this page or leave me a comment and I'll be in touch.  :)

Health Update #1

Ok, so I have been wanting to explain a little more about the health problems that I am currently focusing on correcting.  I also just want to have a place where I have everything written down because it can get a little overwhelming at times to try and remember it all.  So that's what this post is - I apologize in advance if it's confusing or long.  ;)

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PCOS - This diagnosis was basically given to me because my hormone levels came out all wacky on a couple of blood tests.  I'm trying not to worry about it too much right now because I think it will kind of correct itself once I get all my other issues sorted out.  I'm basically just trying to eat clean so that I'm not making the problem worse by adding unnecessary hormones into the picture (pasture-raised, organic meats instead of conventionally raised meat with added hormones, raw dairy, organic produce instead of pesticide/herbicide laden food, no soy)

MTHFR - No, I'm not swearing at you, this is the name of the genetic mutation thingy... I'm still trying to grasp this and understand it, but I know it has to do with methylation and detoxing.  Basically, instead of getting rid of the stuff my liver has detoxed, my body is just kind of recycling it and sending it round and round again and it's clogging up the pathways for all the other stuff that needs to go on.  To me, it makes a lot of sense that if my body's been working really hard to just get rid of this junk, that it would not be able to focus on being a fertile place to grow a baby.  It also seems to make a lot of sense about why my hormones are out of balance - if I'm not able to detox all those synthetic hormones that I used to get in my diet and in the birth control pills that I took for a year and a half, of course there's an imbalance.  So hopefully, now that we're focusing on this whole methylation and detoxing thing we can get the bad stuff out and get everything in balance and working the way it should!  ;)

I'm taking several supplements to help jumpstart the methylation process and get things working:  MSM liquid, Methyl-B12, and TMG.  I'm also hoping to add some form of Methyl-folate soon too.  We are also saving up for a legit water filter for our kitchen to help reduce the toxin load as well as continuing to keep the chemicals to a minimum in things like our cleaning supplies, toiletries, and food storage items.  

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Those are the two main issues that I am hoping to deal with overall.  I visited my naturopath last Saturday, however, and there are a few other minor issues that I am hoping to clear up this month.

H. Pylori - I've done a protocol for this before and although it can cause leaky gut, it was relatively easy to get rid of last time so I'm hoping it won't take too long this time either.  We are on a Gastro Health tea for a month which should kill the bacteria and heal the gut and a Safflowers supplement which I think is to help the stomach acid build back up.

Heavy Metals - She also saw a lot of heavy metals in my blood that I was not doing a great job of getting rid of.  I'm on supplement to help with that.  Zeolite something or other...

Hormones - She also gave me a supplement to help with my hormone balancing.  I can't remember all the details of that I just know it was hormone support (it was like information overload that day, we came home with so many supplements and were there asking her our questions for three hours.  Bless. Her. Heart.)

Other random stuff - To make sure that my body is good and nourished for preconception, I also am taking an herbal prenatal vitamin with gelatin, a probiotic at night, fermented cod liver oil, spirulina, and a D3 supplement.

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This sounds like a million crazy supplements... and it kind of is, but several of them are only for about a month or so until we go back to the Dr and see how my gut/hormones/detoxing is going.  I can also combine a bunch of them into my morning Gastro Health tea so it is not overwhelming and I'm not swallowing ten thousand pills every day.  We'll see how I feel when the ones that we had to order get here and I'm actually fully on this protocol. ;)

 So there's where I'm at physically with all the health stuff going on right now.  Emotionally, things change every day.  Sometimes multiple times a day.  I would definitely say that overall I am struggling this month.  I don't know if it's that the holidays are coming up, or because winter makes me gloomy, or just a combo of everything, but I have been super emotional this month.  I'm struggling to stay content and find the good in our lives right now. And I feel guilty for that because we have a really great life.  I don't like that this one thing overshadows all the other great stuff that is going on, but some days it does just feel like one big cloud raining all over everything else. I feel how it affects all the day-to-day stuff because I think about how much different it would be if I were pregnant or had an infant right now.  I don't know how to stop doing that.

Spiritually, I feel kind of the same way.  I trust God and know that He has a plan for us.  I just find myself struggling to choose joy and thankfulness lately.  I'm trying to continue the practice of thankfulness from last month, but there are days when I just want to be a brat instead lol.  I want to ask God why it has to be this way.  I want to ask Him how much longer we have to wait.  And sometimes I'm tempted to think I can fix this on my own with my ten million supplements.  I pray everyday for Him to bless us with a baby, but I need to remind myself that when He does it will be all Him and not because of anything that we did.  While health is important and correcting these issues can only be beneficial for us and our chances of pregnancy, it's only by God's power that it will happen.  

This has turned into a super duper long post now so I will wrap it up.  Hopefully, future updates will not be this long... but I make no promises.  ;)  I'd also like to do another post that is more focused on my diet and the things that I eat on a regular basis.  Not sure if that would be helpful for anyone, but I'm also curious to see how/if my diet changes in the years to come so I want to document what it is now. 

Anyways... I'm finishing now, I promise!  

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  

Enjoy your day off with your family and stay warm! :)